Jokes from the Dark Side

It's mostly not a very funny time for me but there are moments where the ridiculousness of my situation gives me some pretty good joke fodder. Here are my 3 favourites thus far.

1. About 10 hours after I first discovered the affair (it must be bolded, mustn't it?), I turned to him and said: "You misunderstood me. I wanted you to find a JOB, not a GIRLFRIEND!"
2. In response to his statement that we could work it out and stay together and in light of the fact that he doesn't have a job: "I don't think so because if I date someone else, he's going to be able to buy me dinner." Actually, upon reflection, I'm not sure that one is a joke.
3. To two separate friends who told me the only word they could think of since I'd told them about all of it was "Motherfucker": "No, that's not the right word, if he'd been fucking the mother, everything would be fine. I think the word you want is 'Otherfucker'!"

There may be others but they aren't coming to mind.